It’s not my job to fill that hole you’ve got. On codependency.

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It’s not my job to fill that hole you’ve got. Nor is it your child’s job. It’s yours. My daughter is a huge and important part of my life but she’s not my everything, my reason for living, although she has enriched my life beyond measure. I respect her as a person in her own right. When she leaves home, of course I’ll really miss her, but my life won’t end. A new phase will begin. Because I am centred in myself. I am anchored in myself. This is the fundamental thing. I’ve had to work hard to get to that place. To not be dependent on others for my sense of self-worth, or to fill a hole. That doesn’t mean I can’t love other people. It’s the opposite. It means I am free to love other people without attachment and neediness. So I can love them appropriately and properly…

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Accepting the Reality of Infant and Toddler Sleep

Well said!

Grubby Mummy and the Grubby Bubbies

Imagine if we, as a society accepted normal infant and toddler sleep.

I mean really accepted it, in all its glory.

Every part of society, from every generation, every family, every profession, every community, every culture, every religion.

What if we knew and accepted it as expected and respected elements of a child’s development?
What if everybody knew well before having their own children that their child would need night time parenting for the first few years of life?
If everybody knew that waking frequently to nurse was the biologically normal way for an infant/ toddler human to sleep?
If everybody knew that we are in fact ‘carry mammals’ and that our young require near constant contact with a caregiver for the first few months to continue their growth and development outside of the womb?
If everybody knew that a baby’s and toddler’s sleep can fluctuate a lotover…

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Lessons from Nettles

Here’s a post I wrote about nettles over on my other blog.

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Nettles flourish on disturbed ground or highly fertile land, liking high levels of nitrogen, so they grow in abundance where human activity such as intensive farming or waste dumping has enriched the soil. The more we artificially fertilise the soil, the more nettles will grow. Every child quickly learns to recognise nettles through the experience of being stung, and is taught to seek out dock leaves to rub on the sting for relief. This is a lesson that nature provides comfort as well as pain, and that beings that complement and balance each other are found in the same vicinity. It reminds me of what has been said about disaster situations, ‘look for the helpers’- a life lesson that reminds us to see the hope and the connection when we are in despair.

Nettles are also highly nutritious once cooked or dried out to neutralise the toxins, providing iron and…

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My new book ‘Growing with Gratitude: a poetic journey of healing’

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At last my new book is out! ‘Growing with Gratitude: a poetic journey of healing’ is available in paperback from Amazon.

Growing with gratitude

Gratitude is a most powerful force for healing. Whether it brings physical healing or not, it can be truly transformative in our lives. This book is the story of a healing journey told in poetic form. Janey shows us how her cultivation of gratitude transforms her experience of disability. Gratitude for the simple things in life carries her through the challenges of chronic illness and helps her to find the courage to face surgery. It is possible to find the source of inner healing, irrespective of the state of our physical health, and we can begin with the daily practice of gratitude. This book is intended to inspire you on your own path. Look around and see the gifts you have. The more you look the more you…

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Poetica Botanica

Medicinal plants inspire me to write.

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I submitted a poem to the Poetica Botanica page of the Ledbury Poetry Festival.  It’s a lovely idea, inspired by the Physic Garden at Hellens Manor, and anyone can join in. It’s not a competition. Just pick a plant from their list, write a poem, and they will display it on their page.

Here’s the link:
Poetica Botanica

And here’s a screenshot of my poem about Plantago, along with some of the other entries,  on the Poetica Botanica site:

image

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Compassion and #Healing

My latest thoughts

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I think compassion is right up there with Gratitude as one of the most important attitudes to cultivate in life. It is a form of love, a form of kindness, that is non-discriminating, yet is neither overly emotional. It is both detached and caring. In that sense it is like empathy, which is a component of compassion. In fact it is the only way to maintain a caring attitude in a professional capacity without causing oneself to burn out. Empathy is a tool which can be used to cultivate compassion. It is the capacity to put oneself in another’s shoes, to imagine how they might feel, or see the world, whilst maintaining our own sense of self as a separate being, so that we are still able to act rationally. Sympathy is where one identifies with the other’s feelings; we know how they feel because we feel it, or we…

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